2/25/7

A LITTLE NOTE ABOUT PENTHOUSE J

My band called Penthouse J has two HUGE shows coming up this week. First, we’ll be playing WEEI’s Whiney Awards after-party at the Harp on Tuesday night February the 27 th, then we’ll be at the Bulfinch Yacht Club on Saturday night March the 3 rd. for those how don’t know, the Bulfinch Yacht Club is not a Yacht Club at all, it’s actually a bar.

Anyway, in an effort to step up our stage show a bit, we decided to add stage dancers to our performance. The good news is, we’ve got ‘em, and we’re thrilled to have them. You can check out their MySpace pages HERE and HERE .

So that’s the good news, the bad news was the search for these girls.

“Holy crap” is a pretty good way to sum it up.

Two days into the search, I found a girl ready, willing and able to dance for us. “Good”, I thought to myself. That’s taken care of. Then, late at night I get a call on my home phone.

“So what’s this shit I’m hearing about you wanting my daughter to dress up like a slut and prance around on stage with your stupid band”, the voice on the other end of the phone says.

Her Dad………..great.

Scratch that girl off the list, then put a warning out to men all around Boston that this girl (who is 27 by the way) has a VERY protective Daddy.

Back to the drawing board.

A week later we finally find our two dancers. We meet, ‘em, have practice with ‘em and everything is going great. Until…and there’s always an “until”…one of the girls disappears for about 4 days. When she finally resurfaces, she’d been beaten to hell by her over-jealous boyfriend who, amongst other mental problems, couldn’t’ bare the thought of her dancing on stage and having fun without him.

Needless to say, she had to bail on the project as well.

Like I said to start this all off though, we did find our dancers. We bought some new stage equipment and have even added some new tunes to the set list.

So after all that drama, everything is finally set and ready to go.

Come to the Whiney’s after-party show if you’d like to. It’s Tuesday night February the 27 th at The Harp, 85 Causeway St. in Boston. We’ll be going on at 10. No cover.

We LOVE to have you come to our show at the Bulfinch Yacht Club too. That’s located at 234 Friend St. There, we’ll be going on at 10:30 after the Bruins vs. Montreal at the Garden. $8 cover. We’d love to have your support for that show and promise you’ll enjoy yourself at the Bulfinch. Hell, after all the crap I went through to put this show together…it better be good.

2/10/7

WOBURN, MA – On Friday February the 8 th 2007, upon hearing of Paul Pierce’s potential return to the Celtics lineup, Woburn Cryonics Lab “Sub-Tech” offered their services to the Celtics captain free of charge.

Anthony Grimm, founder and CEO of Sub-Tech considers himself to be one of the Boston Celtics most ardent fans. Now 53 years of age, Grimm has attended almost every home game for the Celtics dating back nearly 45 years when his father first took him to the old Boston Garden for a game on his eighth birthday. Grimm saw many of the good years, thoroughly enjoyed the success of the franchise in the 80’s and purchased his first luxury sweet at the Fleet Center at the age of 43 in 1997. One year later, Paul Pierce was drafted tenth overall in the NBA draft out of Kansas, and in him, Grimm saw the future and a potential return to greatness for the Boston Celtics.

Grimm, along with many others watched the team slowly improve until in 2002 the Celtics reached the Eastern Conference Finals only to be swept in four games by the New Jersey Nets.

“They could never quite get the right people to put around him” Grimm said about Pierce. “I feel bad for the guy. He’s this amazing talent who seems to be destined to toil away in anonymity with a team that just won’t give him the teammates he needs.”

As the 06/07 season began to slip away, Grimm came up with an idea.

“All the middle round picks the Celtics have been picking up over the years weren’t doing the team any good. The thought of just taking the season to get a high pick had always been kind of repulsive to me in the past, but there was something about this year that seemed different. I wouldn’t say they were tanking per say, I’d just say they finally got really bad.”

With Pierce out of the lineup and having been joined at one time or another by every other member of the starting lineup at one point or another, the Celtics found themselves riding a franchise record setting losing streak and sitting at 12 and 36 as they prepared for their game against the Nets on Friday night February the 9 th.

“Pierce has the heart of a lion”, Grimm said. “He’s been working his butt off all year trying to get back into the lineup. Normally I would have been thrilled to see him come back, but this time, I just didn’t see the point.”

As the 2006/2007 season rolled on, Celtics fans across the nation seemed to be either apathetic towards the teams losing streak, or in the strangest of way, seemed to be somewhat encouraged by it due to the prospects such a streak would give the team in the upcoming draft.

“I’d never expect Pierce to do anything less than to give a hundred percent every night,” Grimm said. “but there’s no point in doing that right now. What the C’s need now is to get near the top of the draft to finally get Paul the kind of player he needs on the court with him to make the Celtics great again.”

It was this line of thinking that led Anthony Grimm to issue to following statement to the Boston Celtics on Friday afternoon, February the 9 th:

(truncated statement)

“As a long time fan of your organization, I would like to offer the services of my company, Sub-Tech in order to help the team in it’s quest to return to greatness…Two things need to happen in order to have the Celtics become a championship organization again. The first is that they need to end up near the top of the 2007 draft…The second thing the organization needs is to have a healthy, young and vibrant Paul Pierce on the court at the same time with this new player in order to lead the team to it’s ultimate victory…Wanting to see Pierce’s talents go to no further waste, I humbly suggest you allow my company Sub-Tech to cryogenically freeze the Captain until such time the team is ready for his return…His return to the lineup now only hurts your chances in the upcoming draft and is a waste of his talents that will result in further degradation of his skills as result of the natural process of aging.”

Grimm went on to assure the Boston Celtics organization that Sub-Tech had developed technology far beyond that of the Scottsdale Arizona cryonics corporation that gruesomely froze the head and body of former Red Sox great Ted Williams in two separate containers.

“I can assure your that our process is one hundred percent safe” Grimm said in a statement to Fox 25 after the issuance of his press release to the team. “It’s been tested on dozens and dozens of oranges. Every single time we’ve frozen an orange, then thawed it out again, it’s tasted just as juicy and tasty as the day it came off the tree…Furthermore, we’ve even frozen a couple spiders before. Once they thawed, they looked to be just as good as new.”

Grimm admits that his company had not yet cryogenically frozen a human being, but was adamant that his scientists had dozens of graphs and charts proving that it could very well be possible; sighting both the “carbonite” process used on Han Solo in Star Wars and the good old-fashioned freezing technique used in the Pauly Shore movie “Encino Man”.

No response has been given by the team or Paul Pierce yet. Grimm however has received a letter from Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning saying in short “Do you think it would be possible to freeze me until Bill Belichick retires from coaching? After the AFC Championship game he told me to enjoy the Superbowl, ‘cause next year he’s gonna make sure someone rips my F**ing head off…something about that man scares me and I’d prefer to avoid him for the rest of my natural life if at all possible.”